Comments on: Hello Again

By: Mephala

Mephala — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:29:07 +0000

Your daughter is beautiful! It is crazy exhausting being a mom. No one ever warns you. My mom even lied to me about the pain of labour or as she says, I’d never go through it.

My daughter just turned 6 months and I still wonder how I survived the tiring pregnancy, my darling 17 year old cat who was a son to me dying of a heart attack before my very eyes 2 days before I gave birth (it was 2 days of tears and self-loathing and blame through his passing and cremation so I know how you feel about your cat), and the mad days and nights with 2 young children on almost no sleep (and still going on).

One day at a time and accepting any kind of help helps a ton. Your MIL is wonderful! :D

By: Seven

Seven — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:36:58 +0000

Thanks for sharing that. I’ve been going through depression again and it’s been very hard. I just happened across your page today. I had depression really bad when my daughter was born, but when the second baby arrived I had a plan and knew what was going to ‘get’ me — and it was much better.

By: Amory

Amory — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 01:59:54 +0000

Welcome Back!! What a beautiful little lady! It is pretty amazing how motherhood slaps you upside the head, isn’t it? I’m glad you’re finding ways to enjoy it and asking for help is a BIG step! Best of luck to you!

By: Eilonwy

Eilonwy — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 01:28:07 +0000

Wow. I’m so glad you found my site (so I could come back and find yours again.) And what happens when I show up– you have the most gorgeous baby girl! Congratulations!!

Ahh, the demon depression, though. Damn, I’m sorry you had to go through that, but so glad you got the help you need. You are brave and beautiful and deserve tons of joy.

By: Jan

Jan — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 17:32:11 +0000

So happy that you are back with us. I have really missed your posts. Your beautiful daughter looks so happy and you look radiant! Yes, the sleep deprivation is a drag. I believe that I existed on 2 1/2 to 3 hrs sleep per night for the first few years. It will all fall into place. Our daughter was completely unexpected and a jolt to our 16 year relationship of just “us two”. Now at the age of 24, she is a very lovely, independent and creative person whom we dearly love. To realize that we may have missed this opportunity to become parents is just so sad. I wish your family all the good blessings and happiness that you deserve.

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 05:25:06 +0000

My old room looks great. :) I will email you and we will get together and I will meet the little beauty.

By: Sabine

Sabine — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:08:46 +0000

Thank you so much for writing this so eloquently. I too have suffered from depression for the majority of my life, and I felt the same way you did when I had my daughter. All I could think was, “What did I do?” No one ever talked to me about PPD until I got it. So many women go through this, and it is a wonderful thing to share our stories. It does get better. I even think about having another baby. Ha! Enjoy your sweet baby.

By: Katherine Stone

Katherine Stone — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:57:56 +0000

Thank you for sharing your story. I know it will help others. I look forward to sharing your writing with my readers at Postpartum Progress.

By: andrea gutierrez

andrea gutierrez — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 04:31:25 +0000

i commend you for being so opened and honest about how difficult and life changing having a child is. and it is so hard, especially for us chosen ones who have dealt with anxiety and or depression and still have to deal with it. reading your words reminded me of so much when my little girl was first born. sending sweet wishes to you…

By: Carm

Carm — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:38:08 +0000

Thanks for your post. I am so thankful you do have people in your life to hold you and help you and I am hopeful things will only get better. Your daughter is lovely and your blog is one I’ve so enjoyed in the past and I was thrilled to see you pop up again in my Google Reader. Hang in there. You and your family are in my thoughts today.

By: Tvini

Tvini — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:29:53 +0000

The conditions you go through as a new parent would be banned under the Geneva Convention. The sleep deprivation is terrible. The total lifestyle change is unbelievable. There’s no way anybody CAN tell you, because you just don’t get it if you haven’t gone through it.

When I was a new mom, every other parent would tell me, “just wait, the hard part is coming” referring to actually rearing the child. I’m here to tell you that’s nonsense. The first three months are the worst, and it really does get much better from there on out.

I’m glad you’re getting the help you need. Hang in there, you’re doing great - and your daughter is beautiful!

By: lanea

lanea — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:57:02 +0000

Welcome back. One of my dear friends suffered terrible post-partum depression when her daughter was born, and it was absolutely heart-breaking from the outside. I can’t fathom how difficult it is to experience. I am very glad you’ve weathered the worst of it, and I hope things keep getting easier. Your daughter is lovely.

By: Hayley

Hayley — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 23:26:34 +0000

“No one tells you how difficult taking care of an infant is, how the intolerable sleep deprivation and the endless divination of the needs of an inconsolable creature who cannot tell you what it wants will tax every last reserve of strength, dragging you to the brink of sanity before smashing you on the rocks of utter madness.”

Well said! They say after 6 weeks you start to feel normal- and it was pretty true for me- those first weeks you are a zombie- and it is sooooo nice to return to a more familiar version of yourself.

Two reading suggestions:
Opting In: Having a Child without Losing Yourself
Rookie Mom’s Handbook [website here: http://www.rookiemoms.com/ ]

Your baby is beautiful! Cheers!

By: Lauren

Lauren — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 04:05:49 +0000

Have you read dooce.com? She went through the same thing with her first daughter and even checked herself into a mental hospital. Now she is pregnant with her second daughter and stayed on a lower dose of meds. She even wrote a book about her experience: It Sucked and I Cried. Check it out. She is a great writer who is extremely honest about her experiences.

By: Marsha

Marsha — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 01:02:29 +0000

So glad to see your blog pop up in my reader again–and very sorry to hear that the transition to parenthood has been a difficult one for you. And then very glad to know that things are getting better. Hang in there!

By: laura

laura — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 23:41:03 +0000

btw she is beautiful, congratulations

By: laura

laura — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 23:40:09 +0000

my daughter was colicky, screamed for 6-8 hours a day every day for months. i was just so miserable, and exhausted. i could barely stand it. my husband was working two jobs at the time, and my family lived in another country so i was alone. i remember how acutely aware i was that this was supposed to be the most joyful time of my life and i was completely overwhelmed and stressed out.

for me i think even after the colic stopped it took me months to relax, but now she is two i can honestly day the last year of my life has been the happiest, they really do bring total joy, just sometimes it takes a while to kick in.

i admire your honesty, i really think some degree of postnatal depression is the norm, rather than the exception, yet we are made to feel guilty if we experience it.

By: maureen o'connor

maureen o'connor — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 23:04:21 +0000

Welcome Back, we’ve missed you:)
Here’s to new beginnings, and a beautiful spring.
/m

By: heather

heather — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 21:49:11 +0000

Hang in there - it does get easier and better, the first few weeks with my son were amazingly hard - the sleep, or lack there of is incredible. Just getting through the day was a victory. Therapy & meds kept me together- there isn’t anything wrong with it, and you’ll be a better mum for being able to cope and teach those skills to your beautiful daughter.

Welcome back & enjoy the spring

By: craftydabbler

craftydabbler — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 21:10:56 +0000

Welcome back. I’m so sorry that you went through all of that. I can only imagine what losing your cat did to you. I stayed on my antidepressant because I just knew I needed them (long, long history of major depression etc) and the people helping me felt that they were “safe enough”. I’m glad you figured out that it is ok to ask for help.

Your daughter is lovely and so are you.

By: betz

betz — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 21:10:28 +0000

I think sometimes people don’t talk about the hardship because it’s hard to make someone that hasn’t lived it truly understand. Plus it is different for everyone. (Although I wish someone would’ve told me that literally a full EIGHT hours of one’s day would be taken up by nursing the baby alone. That’d put it into perspective for anyone)I remember the early newborn days pushing my baby in the stroller and envying female passersby that were ALONE. So free and so much themselves. Now I envy no one. I love my kids but I will never take motherhood for granted.

Hang in there. She’s a cutie and it only gets better, it really really does.

By: Victoria Everman

Victoria Everman — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 20:14:48 +0000

It is great to see a new post from you! I was just thinking about you yesterday :)

I adore how amazingly honest you are. I’m not a parent, and I could never imagine all that goes into being one. Postpartum depression is quite common from what I hear, and having help from ANYone can make a big difference. One day, my fiance and I plan to have a kid - I have already told him that I will NEVER have one unless I have my mom around, both for emotional support and for day-to-day help/advice.

Your daughter is beyond gorgeous and her smile looks priceless.

By: Rose

Rose — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 19:38:43 +0000

So glad that you’re seeing the daylight now. It is VERY hard to become a mother, but you sound like you’re aware of the joy as well. Good luck from a mother of 25 & 20 year old daughters who still remembers how tough the transition was and yet is so glad to have made it.

By: sarah k.

sarah k. — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 19:23:29 +0000

Hi, I can’t remember if I’ve ever left you a comment before, since I added you to my reader shortly before your hiatus. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I totally, absolutely, 100% understand what you’re saying and how you feel. I think if people told you what it’s like to be a parent, the species would go extinct. But… it does let up, ever so slowly. They get bigger. They start to feed themselves, and dress themselves, and talk back. They’re awesome. And beautiful. (My, how YOURS is beautiful!)

But I finally decided that for some of us, the only way to be even remotely good for our kids is to be medicated, to get out often, to let family and friends help when they can. That’s what good moms do, and that’s what makes happy kids. You and I may not be friends, but I’m here to tell you that, as cheesy as it sounds, you’re not alone.

May the good days keep coming!